Still in San Diego, though the convention is now officially over (and I'm officially exhausted). We'll be spending the next two days at the zoo and safari park. James has had some busy days with Opa and Lola, who have taken very good care of the little shark, but I'll admit to not really knowing all that they did with him. I know they went to see the sea lions and to a birthday party for one of Lola's relatives in LA area, but that's just about it. Today, though, Opa and James were watching the Tigers game and James got so excited and would make excited noises, but when the tv was on something else he wouldn't. What a good boy :)
So what have I been doing with myself? Jumping from session to session to family room to big room to session to sanctuary to session to family room to big room to session to... It's been a pretty intense weekend! I've come away from it with a ton of new ideas rolling around in my head, as well as a few really important things in my (and Tim's) life that need to be implemented. The two most important things I've learned are that 1. I'm not important to youth ministry, and 2. I cannot manufacture fruit.
So that first one: We're told all the time that we're important, that God loves us SO much, that we're worth so much to him, and either we believe this or we don't. What I've learned this weekend is that just because we're important to God does not mean that we're all-important to his ministry. I love my job, I love my youth, but lets face it - if I weren't there someone else would be. We make ourselves into being so important to whatever it is that we're doing in life. For me, it's ministry. They're MY youth and my lessons are SO important, and really they should shut up and listen to what I have to say because it will CHANGE THEIR LIVES! Wait... hold on. WHO's ministry is this? Are they really going to remember everything that I say and think I'm so super smart and in tune with God and want to be just like me? Uh. OUCH. (Please don't be just like me - that's too scary). My self-importance in ministry has become debilitating to the ministry because instead of it being a God-run ministry, it's a ministry in which I feel like I am doing everything and so I am the important one. It's all about what I can do rather than what God will do. Which leads me to:
#2: I cannot manufacture fruit. Jesus said "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." God is the gardener, Jesus is the vine, and we are the branches. I cannot produce fruit without abiding in Jesus - period. If I'm not in a personal, deep, steady relationship with Jesus, then all the work I am doing is just me trying to "manufacture fruit". My job isn't to make fruit on my own, but rather to remain in Jesus, abide with Him, and allow Him to produce fruit through me. This point leads me to realizing that above all else is the importance of my relationship with Him. The problem comes with the fact that I have no real time to focus on that relationship because I am so busy with everything else. Doug Fields, a speaker, told us today that Jesus was never rushed. He didn't rush into ministry - he waited until he was 30 and then spent the first 40 days in the desert alone with God (plus the devil who showed up). He didn't rush to heal the sick - and ended up having to bring them back from the dead instead. He stopped, he took breaks, he slowed down and spent one on one time with God. His ministry wasn't about DOING it was about BEING. Doug said to us "Show me a busy life and I'll show you a broken life." When we're busy and our lives are hectic, we aren't in a strong relationship with God. We're instead running around trying to manufacture fruit rather than allowing God to produce the fruit. Every time I say "yes" to something new, I'm saying "no" to something else. If I say "yes" to something at church on a day I need to spend with my family, then I'm saying "no" to them. I need to learn the art of saying "no", or else my family and my relationship with God will suffer for it. Those are the two most important parts of my life, they are where I lay all of my life-long commitments. Anything else comes after those. No more saying "no" to family time because I'm running around from meeting to meeting, event to event, program to program. My doing more stuff won't progress God's kingdom if he's not in it in the first place. Time to reevaluate.
